1
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:34,154
Yeah, kids these days
with their long hair.

2
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:38,089
You can't even tell the
boils from the ghouls.

3
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:43,035
And when they do want a cut,
they go to one of those fancy salons

4
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:48,098
like José Slay-ber
or Videad Sassoon.

5
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,677
It's enough to make
you terror your hair out.

6
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,748
I guess that towel
was a little too hot.

7
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,879
Still, I think it's a
good look for you.

8
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,789
Once it's groan out,
I'm sure you'll love it.

9
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:13,099
Which brings to mind the
young men in tonight's terror tale.

10
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:17,664
They're about to try a
new scare-style, as well,

11
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:23,769
in a delightful little die-job
I call "Doctor Of Horror".

12
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:47,659
Callaghan's Mortuary has a
40-year tradition of service to uphold.

13
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,828
Peace of mind and serenity.

14
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:01,505
A stolen body would be a scandal.
It would destroy this fine institution.

15
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,442
- Do you understand that?
- Yes, sir.

16
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,586
- You can count on us, sir.
- No, I can't.

17
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,889
You're useless,
lowlife shit heads.

18
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:18,056
If there's so much as a coffin handle
missing in the morning, you are fired.

19
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,167
Fuck you, son of a bitch.

20
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:27,400
Who do you think
you're talking to?

21
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,606
Put his stupid ass on a slab.

22
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:35,240
Richard, please try to
remember we need this job.

23
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,807
Okay, Charlie, don't
you have any ambition?

24
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,648
What we need, my
friend, is a break.

25
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,592
When do we get to eat?

26
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,996
- Hey. Hey!
- Hey!

27
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:05,407
Jesus Christ. Hey, where
you going? Where you going?

28
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,641
- You're under arrest.
- You're not the police.

29
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:10,226
No, but we can darn sure hold
you till the real police get here.

30
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,694
- Let's go, old man.
- I can't believe this.

31
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,017
- We caught a body snatcher.
- Shut up.

32
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,988
How much do you boys make?

33
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,581
- Excuse me?
- How much?

34
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,388
- Not enough.
- That's what I thought.

35
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:25,023
Now, I will pay you 500 bucks if
you'll help me steal this corpse.

36
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,098
- 500 bucks?
- Each.

37
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:44,007
You know, I thought we were
going to a hospital or something.

38
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,382
Yeah, right, Charlie.

39
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,546
Hey, he said he was
a surgeon, didn't he?

40
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,749
Well, the man obviously
works out of the home.

41
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,883
I'm not allowed in
hospitals anymore.

42
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,324
Oh, boy.

43
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:54,486
Which way?

44
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,788
Oh, here. The wine cellar.

45
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,931
Good, I could use a drink.

46
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,633
Jeez, Doc. What stinks?

47
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,305
Never mind that
now. Here we are.

48
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,177
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

49
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:35,434
So, just what are you
gonna do to her, Doc?

50
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,666
Well, that, my boy, is
beyond your imagination.

51
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,372
Oh, there...

52
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:45,041
There's nothing perverted about it,
if that's what you're worried about.

53
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,909
I'm searching for her soul.

54
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:49,548
Oh, shit.

55
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,711
Dude, he didn't do nothing yet.

56
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,195
Man, oh, man.

57
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,823
I am convinced
that the soul exists

58
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:11,361
in a microscopic gland that is
located somewhere along the spine.

59
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,634
It is the last thing to die,

60
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:19,172
releasing the life force
days after conventional death.

61
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,543
What does the gland look like?

62
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,174
I haven't seen it yet.

63
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:28,211
I've dissected dozens of corpses
and, like some elusive prey,

64
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:34,026
it vanishes, just when I
think I have it in my sights.

65
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,426
When you find it, what
are you gonna do with it?

66
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,226
Oh, not that much.

67
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,329
- Just play God.
- I feel sick.

68
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,766
Well, get over it, man,
'cause this shit is amazing.

69
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:54,577
If I can locate the soul, I can unlock the
deepest secrets of the human condition.

70
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,015
Why is one man a saint
and another a monster?

71
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,143
And can I change a
monster into a saint

72
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:03,020
by manipulating his essential
metaphysical substance?

73
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,393
That's trippy, Doc.

74
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,090
- Is that it, there?
- No!

75
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,297
No, it will be incandescent.

76
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,407
Perhaps only a
pinpoint of light.

77
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:27,072
Even a skilled surgeon would miss
it, unless he believed it was there.

78
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,740
Can it be that ethereal?

79
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,808
Can it shift and move
with a will of its own?

80
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,719
Will it elude me forever?

81
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,425
Oh, God. Oh, dear God.

82
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:56,538
So, the search continues.
You still want that drink?

83
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:57,668
Sure.

84
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:03,839
Got some work for you here.
It will get you another $500.

85
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,719
Hello.

86
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:12,625
Normally, I can dispose
of them when it suits me,

87
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:17,628
but this freezer's been
acting up. It's 40-years-old.

88
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,794
Well, this is gonna cost you
a helluva lot more than $500.

89
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,701
All right, Richard, how much?

90
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,270
Well, a lot more.

91
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,709
Well, say $600.

92
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,212
Done.

93
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,114
All right, there's an old
well not far from here.

94
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:44,021
It's ideal for
disposing of things.

95
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:49,156
Okay, come on. We're gonna
need some tarp and some rope.

96
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,595
Come on. Come on.

97
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,901
He's trying to
steal their souls.

98
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,780
How can the dead rest if
they don't have their souls?

99
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,082
Are you kidding me?

100
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:13,553
Dude, Dr. Orloff's got an excuse
for talking that shit. He's nuts.

101
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:17,749
You're seriously stupid, but the
last time I checked, you were sane.

102
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,885
Don't you believe
in souls, Richard?

103
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,486
Don't you believe in anything?

104
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:27,625
Yeah, I believe I got
$1,000 right here, baby.

105
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,130
More money than I've
ever seen in my life.

106
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,334
They're gonna be lost
forever, no way home.

107
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,774
Oh, good Lord.

108
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,313
Yeah, that's plenty deep.

109
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,187
Charlie! Hoist up one of
them suckers. I'll be right there.

110
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,925
Charlie, Charlie.

111
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,489
Charlie, hoist.

112
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,608
God damn it!

113
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,654
Come here. Damn it.

114
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,484
What the hell are you doing?

115
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,424
We are working here, okay?

116
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,892
Freak out on your own time.

117
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:31,924
Jesus.

118
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,966
You know, I still don't
feel good about this.

119
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,237
Yeah, well, I do, Charlie.

120
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:49,015
Just gotta keep our story straight, okay?
We got a little drunk, we fell asleep.

121
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:53,814
Because it's exactly what that
prick would expect us to do, anyway.

122
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,489
We are off the hook, baby.

123
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:01,928
Yes, we are off the
hook. Yes, we are!

124
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,606
God damn it! Get up, you idiots!

125
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:24,182
Get up. Where is she?

126
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,986
- Who?
- Mrs. Myers.

127
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,324
Oh, yeah.

128
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,793
Sir, I don't know. We were
patrolling the halls all night.

129
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,561
- You're lying.
- No, sir.

130
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,325
What's this?

131
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:44,403
Drunk. You're drunk, and I'm going to
lose a 40-year business because of it.

132
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,299
You're fired. Get
out of here, now.

133
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,603
- We're fired?
- You're fired.

134
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,167
Fine, we're fired.

135
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:55,211
You know what? We don't
want your shit job anyway.

136
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,584
How did you get that
mud on your boots?

137
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,418
- How did you get that tear in your jeans?
- Charlie, let's go.

138
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:06,118
- What have you two been up to?
- Charlie, let's go.

139
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,661
You took her, didn't you?
I'm going to the police.

140
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,288
You stay right here.
I'm going to the police.

141
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,963
- Damn!
- Sir. Sir?

142
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,133
Sir, I just wanna explain
one thing, okay? One second?

143
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,800
Sir, sir, could you stop
running, please, sir?

144
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:25,242
Sir, please don't go for the
cops, sir. Can I just say one thing?

145
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,974
Sir, please. Hello?

146
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:32,178
Sir. Oh, sir? Sir? Sir?

147
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,414
Sir? Sir!

148
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:40,823
- Sir! Sir! Sir!
- That's enough! Stop it!

149
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:42,020
- Get off me!
- Stop it!

150
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,030
- Hey, get off me!
- Listen, you are killing him!

151
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,589
What do you think
I'm trying to do? Sir!

152
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,795
Listen, listen, do you want
to go to jail for murder?

153
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,565
Is that what you want?

154
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,503
Oh, thank God.

155
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,771
He's still alive.

156
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:02,315
Okay, all right. Look, look.

157
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:06,178
Let's get him to
Dr. Orloff, okay? All right?

158
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,221
- Yeah.
- He can take care of him.

159
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,190
Yeah, Doctor Orloff will
take care of him real good.

160
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,995
This wasn't very
smart of you, Richard.

161
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,796
You know what, Doc? I really
don't need another lecture right now.

162
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,130
I don't suppose you do.

163
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:29,203
All right, you two wait in the
hallway. I'll have more work for you.

164
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,436
Yes, sir.

165
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:40,311
I can't do this,
Richard. I quit.

166
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:44,187
What? Security watchman? I think
we already handed in our resignation.

167
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,369
You know good and well
what I'm talking about.

168
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:50,022
I'm talking about
working for that doctor.

169
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,133
Why? Why would you want to
quit? We got a good thing going here.

170
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,270
- 'Cause it's wrong.
- It's wrong?

171
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,479
Yeah, it's wrong.

172
00:14:07,503 --> 00:14:10,181
Charlie, we're carting
around dead people.

173
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,913
- I don't think they care.
- Their souls care, Richard.

174
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:16,387
Oh, God, would you
please change the tape?

175
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:27,658
Look, bud, I'm real sorry if you're
having troubles with our career move,

176
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:31,227
but you quit when I
tell you, you can quit.

177
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:37,138
- Okay?
- Boys! Come in here. Hurry.

178
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:45,385
All my years of searching
and I finally found it.

179
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:49,855
The soul gland. The moment I
went to extract it, it disappeared.

180
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,826
Then this shit heel up
and dies on you, huh?

181
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,354
Well, that's just plain rude.

182
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,956
I don't fully understand
why I found it now.

183
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:04,832
- But I did.
- I know why you found it.

184
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:13,305
He was alive when
you started to cut him up.

185
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,882
You thought

186
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:21,478
that you could get the soul
gland out of dead people,

187
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,888
but, by then, it's
already disappeared.

188
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:30,390
See, souls don't
just hang around.

189
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,424
No, you were wrong about that.

190
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,932
They go on to their just reward.

191
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:43,101
That is, unless you steal them.

192
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,609
Of course.

193
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,574
You're absolutely
right, Charlie.

194
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,418
Positively brilliant.

195
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,346
You know,

196
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,591
you shouldn't
steal souls, Doctor.

197
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,988
It's all in the name
of science, Charlie.

198
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,497
You know, Doc, I
think Charlie's right.

199
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:10,629
I mean about being wrong,
doing what we're doing here.

200
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,942
Charlie, why don't you...
It's all right, it's all right.

201
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:20,742
Just go wait out in the truck. I wanna
try to explain to him what I mean.

202
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,805
Go ahead. I'll be right there.

203
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:33,786
- We got a Charlie problem here, Doc.
- Well, he's, he's...

204
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:38,558
He's simple-minded and good-hearted,
and that is a dangerous combination.

205
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,567
Yeah, well, he is
going to get us busted.

206
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:46,629
Just to ease his conscience?
He must have a vigorous soul.

207
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,071
Do you want to find out?

208
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,414
Yeah, I thought you
might like that idea.

209
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:01,986
I tell you, this is a pretty
interesting gig you got here, Doc.

210
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,514
How long do you
have to go to school

211
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,651
before you can start
cutting things up and stuff?

212
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,763
- Career planning?
- Maybe.

213
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,996
Told you I was ambitious.

214
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,400
Say, "Ah."

215
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,682
Okay, all right. That's it.

216
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,955
- I'm finished.
- Charlie. Dude, dude, dude, listen.

217
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:43,819
I'm real sorry I went off on
you like that before. I just...

218
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:48,534
Anyway, you want to
quit working for Dr. Orloff,

219
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,502
you go right ahead and quit.

220
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,902
- I've already quit.
- You want a drink? Have a drink.

221
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,386
That's not all I'm gonna
do. I'm going to the cops.

222
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,494
I'm gonna turn myself in.

223
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,759
There is no way I'm gonna
live with this on my conscience.

224
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:29,604
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. I knew you
were gonna do something stupid like that.

225
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,737
That's why you're
drinking ether.

226
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:39,277
Still alive. Just
like you wanted.

227
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,248
You gonna cut him up?

228
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:49,253
Just the usual incision.
Don't be so disappointed.

229
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:54,394
Once I've removed the gland,
you can cut to your heart's content.

230
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:19,792
Extraordinary. The better
the soul, the stronger the light.

231
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:24,327
I must preserve
this immediately.

232
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:40,338
Doc?

233
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,374
You do what you want.
You're my assistant now.

234
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,769
Here we go, Charlie.

235
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:17,248
Now, you get to hang out with all
those lost souls you were worried about.

236
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,720
- Hello, Richard.
- Hi.

237
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,763
Hey, Doc. Champagne's on me.

238
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:40,966
- Guess what we're celebrating.
- What are we celebrating?

239
00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:44,774
My new pay raise.

240
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:49,877
- Richard, you're not getting a raise.
- Yes, I am.

241
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,113
All the deliveries I've been making,
all the souls you've been collecting.

242
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:56,349
And I've been so
quiet about it. So far.

243
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:16,036
I'm feeling very, very
unappreciated right now, Doc!

244
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,508
Oh, you pathetic
loser. Yeah! Yeah!

245
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,187
- What did you call me?
- You think you gonna kill me,

246
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,942
and then you're
gonna get appreciation?

247
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,975
What the hell was that?

248
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:34,017
What have you done with my soul?

249
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:51,976
Pull back the skin and
cut through to the muscle.

250
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:54,670
Right, Doctor?

251
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:04,687
Charlie, no. Charlie, what're
you doing, man? Come on.

252
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:08,956
Not much. I'm just
going to play God.

253
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:13,297
- I'm gonna steal your soul, Richard.
- Oh, no.

254
00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:14,389
Charlie, come on.

255
00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:17,095
You don't wanna hurt
me. Come on, you're good.

256
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:20,529
On the contrary, Richard,

257
00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:22,837
I was good.

258
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:26,470
You stole my soul. Remember?

259
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:31,246
Charlie, no. Charlie, no.

260
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:50,961
That Charlie. And you
thought he was mixed up before.

261
00:22:54,773 --> 00:22:58,642
As a matter of fact, I just
got a card from Charlie.

262
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:03,947
He went on to open up a chain of
private clubs, for dismembers only.

263
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:11,650
And Richard went into medicine,
specializing in intensive scare.

264
00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:15,560
So, I've got a free chair.

265
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:20,089
How about a little trim? I
promise I won't take off too much.

266
00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:25,637
Shave and a haircut, two bits.

267
00:24:03,642 --> 00:24:04,642
English -SDH